Sunday, March 7, 2010

To schlep, or not to schlep: that is the question

Function: verb
Inflected forms: schlepped, schlepping
Meaning: to proceed or move especially slowly, tediously, awkwardly, or carelessly.

Laundry is one of life's great jokes, or perhaps "joke" is to happy a word. We use the expression "do the laundry" like the action of doing it means something, like we wont have to do it again because it has already been done. Not so. The most cruel thing about laundry is that once it is washed, dried, pressed, folded, and hung, it invariably finds its way back to the "to be washed" pile and you have to start the whole process all over again!

The only bright light in this whole ordeal is that my present domicile boasts a room in the apartment in which to do laundry. Such a blessing! Before I moved out on my own I never really took time to appreciate what a luxury it was to be able to do this heinous chore from within the privacy, and warmth of your own home. Well I can assuredly tell you now that being able to do your laundry without having to schlep it to the laundry mat is a miracle. No more parading bags, baskets, duffels, and bins full of dirty laundry for all to see, and better yet no more dashing with the newly clean and dry garments through the rain and snow to get them back home.

So here I stand, decision firmly made: I choose not to schlep. I have seen the promised land and I am never going back to schlepping. If it must be that I am called upon to preform this thankless and never ending task so as to abide by my own hygienic standards, to say nothing of those of society at large, I hereby resolve to never schlep again.

As God is my witness, as God is my witness its not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never have to schlep again. No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I'll never have to schlep laundry again.
(Insert swelling Gone with the Wind theme here)

1 comment:

the lunch lady said...

ah, the joys of your own washer and dryer . . . :)